Relationship Without Sex

Some people determine their sexual involvement based on physical rather than communication and moral values, I agree that sex is a personal responsibility and must be determined personally. On the other hand, sex involves two people, so it's not just a matter of personal standards. There are those who feel no one has the right to state any standard for sex and it should just be left at: sex with anybody is okay...well, I disagree!
THERE IS MORE TO A RELATIONSHIP THAN "SEX" !

A relationship is about caring for someone, and how do you SHOW this affection, through Patience, Communication, Kindness, Understanding, self-control, trust, respect, and fighting fair. “Avoid blame and judgment. When you start a relationship with someone, You are looking for the real thing. Don't give in to sex if you are not ready, bottom line. If you don't have sex, and the guy doesn't like it, he is not worth it and probably doesn't care enough about you. If you talked about your future and have dated a while and want to express your love for one another, sex is fine and can be fantastic.

If you aren't sleeping together, you are more like "friends" than anything but that is a great basis for a long-lasting relationship. Give it time. Don't give in and if the guy sticks around, even without sex, he really cares!

Getting Back To An Ex

Breaking apart with a person you have really been fond of is in no way a pleasing experience. Making things even worse will be the often determination of fixing the break-up with your ex girlfriend or boyfriend because you are not certain concerning the kind of reaction from your ex boyfriend or girlfriend and how to deal with whatever probable further negative response. Figuring out exactly what you need to do and never to do, when to do or not to do them, and ways to approach them can significantly make improvements to the possibility of fixing the break-up with your ex lover.

In reality, and truth be told, everything boils down to whether you're truly the type of person girlfriend or boyfriend loves to always be with. Basically, how like-minded you happen to be with your ex, is extremely important due to the fact there's no need experiencing the many hassle of reversing the break-up with your ex lover in order to breakup once more. You may however enhance yourself by simply transforming into a nicer individual to associate with either so as to win your ex back again or look for someone new that you're most likely like-minded.

1. Participate in Different Experiences
There's the need to do everything you are able to to be able to build a positively brand new future with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Undertake new as well as demanding fun-based activities that can assist you build fresh as well as joyful recollections. You'll also become shocked as these little enjoyments over time add up to help you become an increasingly confident and desirable person.

In addition, you should attempt and better your appearance. Get yourself a great deal more presentable by simply having a latest hairdo. Change your clothing collection whenever you can or get brand new stunning clothing to give a fresh lift to your look. Maintaining this light, cheerful as well as confident disposition can make your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to begin noticing the actual positive effects on you and also start growing new curiosity about you yet again.

2. Stay Clear of Arguing
In an effort to set the correct tone with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it is crucial you avoid the tendency of bickering with your girlfriend or boyfriend by all means. Bickering create the wrong kinds of sensations instead of that which you are trying to accomplish. Bickering quite often conjures up subdued sentiments as well as recollections and also you unquestionably do not want to take this road. Do you want to win a spat or do you wish to be joyful all over again?

3. You Should Not Give Full Attention to the Negatives
Most likely something likely would have gone drastically wrong which mostly are simply part of a long list of events which ultimately lead towards the breakup. You then again can't try to escape from all of these details as you need to come terms with the truth of the matter, take blame wherever that you've gone wrong and also learn to forgive yourself and your ex girlfriend or boyfriend. Take care not to dwell too long on all of these downsides, merely process them all and move on.

4. Identify the Advantages
While endeavoring to produce brand-new joyful recollections, remember those happy ones you had with your ex lover. Highlight the positive experiences you had with your ex. Use all these good encounters to give yourself a cause for wanting to getting back together with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend whilst also steering clear of any sort of wallowing temptation over missing him or her. Your confident energy can rob off on your ex lover helping to make them feel a lot more confident about you generally.

Focus on staying even more confident in anything you do whenever you get involved in fixing the split up with your ex and you should find yourself once more in their arms and you'll at the same time turn into a more happy and much better you.

If You Love Someone Then Spill It Out

 

There are three things in life we do not posses the power to change: death incurable illness and the fact that no matter how much we love someone ; we cant force them to love us back. This is why I think when in love some have the tendency to push the ones that love them the most away. Fear and love are two of the strongest emotions embodied by the human population. All we can do is fall and hope that when all is said and done there is someone there to catch us. In essence, If you love someone tell him or her. Forget about the rules or the fear of looking ridiculous. What is truly ridiculous is passing up on an opportunity to tell someone that your heart is invested in them.

 

How To Manage A Broken Heart

In the early stages, accept your pain. If you'd broken your leg, you'd expect it to hurt for a while and you'd manage your life around it. It's the same with emotional pain: to cope with heartbreak, let your heart be broken for a while. It will heal easier if you let nature take its course.

Realise that healing from emotional pain is a rollercoaster ride - not a straight line. Whereas a physical injury will get steadily better day by day, emotional hurt doesn't heal like that. You get a run of good days, then WHAM! A bad one hits. Expect these, and you'll discover you can cope with the heartbreak much better.

Don't add guilt to anger. If you've been dumped or abandoned, it's quite reasonable to expect to feel anger. (That doesn't mean get physically or emotionally abusive though - that will land you in a lot of trouble - even jail!) Anger's not a bad emotion - it's better than despair.

Don't stay angry. Anger is a phase you'll probably go through - it's part of how to cope with the pain of heartbreak, but it isn't the only answer! It takes a lot of energy to stay angry, and the only person who'll hurt is you. Eventually, you'll get bored and exhausted with the anger - so look for signs of that and welcome them as moving on!

Finally, recall that in Chinese the word for "crisis" is also the same as the word for "opportunity." Endings, however they come about, are also new beginnings. Each night, before going to sleep, let your mind tiptoe back through your day and find at least three good things that happened to you today. It maybe as simple as a child smiling at you, seeing a rainbow, hearing a cuckoo or some tune that you love on the radio. Write them down. If you compile these "magic moments" in a notebook that you keep by your bed, in a year you'll have a thousand great memories! And as you keep reaching for these positives, you'll find your life - including your love life - will improve, slowly at first, then faster and faster - as if by magic! This is the best mechanism I know for how to cope with heartbreak! Remember, the greatest revenge is massive success - and when it comes to coping with heartbreak, that success is defined as your personal happiness

The Effects of Porn

Porn is a problem. It’s a personal problem for many and a cultural problem for all. You may think you have not been affected by porn, but you have because it’s embedded in the surrounding culture. The staggering size of the pornography industry, its influence upon the media and the acceleration of technology, paired with the accessibility, anonymity, and affordability of porn all contribute to its increasing impact upon the culture.

Researchers findings confirm that men who use porn become controlling, highly introverted, have high anxiety, narcissistic, curious, have low self-esteem, depressed, dissociative, distractible. Ironically, while viewing porn creates momentary intensely pleasurable experiences, it ends up leading to several negative lingering psychological experiences. As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on [pornographic images], the exposure to them creates neural pathways. Like a path is created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed. Over time these neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with woman are routed…they have unknowingly created a neurological circuit that imprisons their ability to see women rightly as created in God’s image

Sex becomes self-serving. It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for. Softcore pornography has a very negative effect on men as well.

The problem with softcore pornography is that it’s voyeurism teaches men to view women as objects rather than to be in relationships with women as human beings. Porn squashes the beauty of a real naked woman. For the first time in history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn. It makes real sex and even the real world boring in comparison. It particularly anesthetizes the emotional life of a man.

Lastly, Dines records how porn tells a false story about men and women. In the story of porn, women are “one-dimensional”–they never say no, never get pregnant, and can’t wait to have sex with any man and please them in whatever way imaginable (or even unimaginable). On the other hand, the story porn tells about men is that they are “soulless, unfeeling, amoral life-support systems for erect penises who are entitled to use women in any way they want. These men demonstrated zero empathy, respect, or love for the women they have sex with…

So please if you are into this act, please stop. Unless you are a PORN-AGAIN CHRISTIAN. Thanks

Posted by Kisha Mathew. (Guest Blogger)

Being A Lover VS Being in A Relationship

Being in love or growing in love is a necessary ingredient in any relationship but being in love doesn't automatically guarantee a relationship status. Here’s the difference between a lover and a relationship. I consider a lover to be somebody with whom you can get together to have fun. You get to share secrets with each other. You get to have a great time in bed. You share a wonderful evening together and experience what it’s like having this temporary relationship.

It’s just a relationship that temporarily satisfies you that night. When you and your lover leave the bed and you both go to work the next day, however, that conversation does not go further. That conversation goes further in a relationship, because that’s what a relationship is all about. When you’re confessing things in bed in a relationship, you almost always the very next day want to send an email or have another conversation.

You want to take the conversation further, recap the prior night’s conversation or take that conversation to the next level. A relationship involves exposing the depth of who you are as a person. You’re exposing that depth, and you’re going deeper and deeper into that relationship. You’re exploring each other more and more. So those confessions in the middle of the night when you’re in bed lead to more stimulating conversations the next day and lead to more personal discovery.

So when you find a lover, go ahead and confess away and talk about whatever you want. If you don’t want your lover to be a relationship, though, then don’t carry those conversations into the next day, because those kind of confessions are only for people with whom you want to have a relationship.

That’s the biggest difference. Trust your lover, and grow with your relationship

Romance, Intimacy, Sex and Love Making

In the beginning, a relationship starts with romance. The man romances the woman, with the ultimate goal of sexual relations in mind; the woman romances the man, with the ultimate goal of a relationship in mind. Granted, these are stereotypes, but it's probably safe to say this is the case in a large percentage of relationships.


What is Romance?

Romance is the wooing stage of a relationship. One reason many relationships fail is because romance often gets left behind once the relationship moves on to the next stage. The best relationships, the ones that will make it long term, will keep romance in the relationship alive and thriving. Romance isn't just candy and flowers though. 

Romance is remembering her favorite color, knowing when his favorite sports team is playing, remembering birthdays, and knowing each others' likes and dislikes and respecting them. Romancing is putting the other person in the relationship first, before the relationship, and then putting the relationship second, above other things. Romance is taking the time to make time for each other and the relationship, even when time is in short demand.

What is Intimacy?

Intimacy is sometimes the next stage in a relationship and other times sex is the next stages. Each relationship will develop in its own time and way, but let's assume intimacy comes before sex. Intimacy is deeper knowledge of another person, knowing and seeing things others don't usually see and still not losing the spark of the relationship. Intimacy is seeing her with her face cream on and hair in rollers and still wanting to make love to her.

 Intimacy is smelling him all sweaty and dirty from work and finding that the scent turns you on. Intimacy is also talking, sharing feelings, hopes, dreams, aspiration for yourself, for each other, and for the relationship. Intimacy is knowing deep down the things that make him tick, tick him off, or push his buttons. Intimacy is knowing what makes her cry, and when crying is a good thing or a bad thing. Yes, there is such a thing as a 'good cry', and intimacy understands that.

What is sex?

Ohhh, I know, you're thinking this is a silly question, right? Surely everyone knows what sex is! Technically speaking, sex is what cats and dogs do to make kittens and puppies. Sex is the stuff you see animals doing on National Geographic specials. In fact, sex is something people who barely know each other do when they seek nothing other than physical pleasure and release-intercourse, without connection on an emotional of spiritual relationship level. There's nothing wrong with this type of sex, provided both parties are adults, consenting, and have no moral issue against it.

What I'm talking about is not mere copulation though. I'm talking about sex inside a relationship. I'm not necessarily talking about making love, though when two people love each other, that is one component to sex. What I'm referring to here is when the romance and the intimacy levels in a relationship have reached a high enough plateau that the couple wants to physical demonstrate those feelings through sexual activity.

Sex doesn't require being in love, but generally, being in love does tend to increase the pleasure of the sexual act.

What is making love?

Making love is what two people do when their bodies come together and share physical, emotional, and spiritual connective-ness. In order to make love, the couple must actually be in love, but interestingly enough, making love doesn't require sex. Making love is a physical expression of loving, a physical level of emotion, but doesn't necessarily require intercourse.

Why do the differences matter?

Too many times in a relationship, the line between romance, intimacy, love, making love, and sex get blurred. When those lines get blurred, discord enters a relationship and the level the relationship is at becomes unbalanced.

Also, if one person in the relationship is at one level and the other is at a different level, that same unbalance can lead to the demise of the relationship.

Use your judgment, your head and not your heart, when gauging what level you are at in a relationship and look at what level your partner is at too. If you want something, you have to learn to ask for it and know what it is specifically that you are wanting.

There's nothing wrong with wanting romance without sex, or sex without intimacy - but know that beforehand and make your intentions clear to your partner. As long as the relationship moves in a balanced manner, with both parties wanting the same things at the same time, both parties will continue to enjoy and appreciate each other and the state of the relationship.

What is Intimacy?

What is Intimacy?
Intimacy is a process – not a thing. It takes place over time and is not stagnant. In fact, any kind of stagnation in a relationship kills intimacy. Intimacy can also take many forms.

One form of intimacy is cognitive or intellectual intimacy where two people exchange thoughts, share ideas and enjoy similarities and differences between their opinions. If they can do this in an open and comfortable way, then can become quite intimate in an intellectual area.

A second form of intimacy is experiential intimacy or intimacy activity. Examples of this would be where people get together to actively involve themselves with each other, probably saying very little to each other, not sharing any thoughts or many feelings, but being involved in mutual activities with one another. Imagine observing two house painters whose brushstrokes seemed to be playing out a duet on the side of the house. They may be shocked to think that they were engaged in an intimate activity with each other, however from an experiential point of view, they would be very intimately involved.

A third form of intimacy is emotional intimacy where two persons can comfortably share their feelings with each other or when they empathize with the feelings of the other person, really try to understand and try to be aware of the other person’s emotional side.

A fourth form of intimacy is sexual intimacy. This is the stereotypical definition of intimacy that most people are familiar with. However, a this form of intimacy includes a broad range of sensuous activity and is much more than just sexual intercourse. It’s any form of sensual expression with each other. Therefore, intimacy can be many things for different people at different times.

How To Manage Anger In Your Relationship

Unless we make continuous effort to deal with anger as it arises, our relationship will suffer. Every opportunity to get angry is an opportunity to develop patience. Conflict and disagreement are inevitable in relationships. Anger is a natural emotion, and disagreements can be healthy sign of difference. Conflict usually occurs because certain needs are not being met – either within the relationship or outside or it. The object of conflict management is to ask for those needs to be met in a way that does not damage your relationship.

Here are some tips that may be useful to manage anger and reduce conflict in relationships.

1. TAKE TIME OUT. Disagreements are best dealt with when both parties are in a non-aroused state. Whenever possible, take a time-out to calm your body down. Techniques include breathing, relaxation & visualization (see separate self-help guide). Strong emotions of anger, grief or anxiety do not make it easy for us to access our rational faculties and so there is little benefit of trying to address disagreements in this condition because it often just escalates into insults and unintentional dagger-throwing. Both of you should respect each other’s need for a time-out; it’s not running away from the issue, but preparing yourself to deal with it in more receptive mode.

2. REFLECT INTERNALLY. Check in on yourself and ask yourself what you think the issue is about. Ask yourself what part you are playing in this, are you misinterpreting what your partner has said? Are you in a bad mood from something else? Are you being reasonable here? Ask yourself if you think it is an issue that is important enough to stand your ground on – can you let this go without resentment or do you need to ask your partner for something? Sometimes we argue out of habit and because it connects us (even though it is negative, at least we both get attention). Ask yourself whether you really need to take up this issue. If so, think about what exactly you need to ask for.

3. EXPLAIN. Avoid presuming that your partner should know what is wrong. Empathy is an elusive concept  because it is nearly impossible for another person to truly know what you are experiencing and to give you what you want. It useful if you can ask for what you need.

4. TAKE PERSPECTIVE. There is sometimes great temptation to elevate the stakes in an argument. Threats and ultimatums are damaging to the ego and chip away at the whole of the relationship. Thus, try and keep the argument to the specific issue rather than make the whole relationship at risk. Avoid ‘if you do this one more time…"I can’t take this any more", "I’m leaving"… Each of you should know that however unpleasant this disagreement is, it will not touch the relationship. If the relationship is to end, it should be decided separately to a heated argument.

5. TRY TO PERSONALIZE. The conversation is best approached from a personal angle, rather than blaming your partner. If your partner hears criticism he/she will want to defend himself/herself rather than address the issue. Try and use "I feel"…,"It hurts me when"...,"I would really like it if"…rather than "you make me feel"…"when you do that"… Try also to avoid generalization such as "you always do that"..."you never think"…It is certainly hurtful and is usually inaccurate.

6. OWN UP TO MISTAKES. It is not a weakness to accept that you have acted out of line. Owning up to faults and mistakes is helpful to both parties, so long as it is not done out of martyrdom or for manipulative effect. Apologizing early can save a lot of unnecessary conflict.

7. INCLUDE SOMETHING POSITIVE. When putting your point across, it brings good results if you can refer to something positive as well. The discussion is unlikely to be rosy, but if you can draw on aspects that you do like, it will make your partner less tense and combative. Putting across negative points in a humorous way can also work. Humour doesn't mean your partner is trivializing the issue, rather it makes it easier for him/her to confront an issue.

8. FOCUS ON THE PRESENT. By clinging to the painful memory of a past event (no matter how distressing it was) you are impeded from living in the present. You are entitled to a period of grieving and are allowed to make your needs clear to your partner. Long-held resentment will tarnish a relationship. Try not to use past events as ammunition. Even though it might be a recurring issue, the current disagreement should address the here and now.

9. AIM TO BE HAPPY, NOT TO BE RIGHT. The purpose of approaching conflict is to get to maximum results for both of you. When you argue to win (by point-scoring), the gain is short-term and mostly leaves you feeling worse. When you argue to ask for your needs to be met, it is still unpleasant, but you are working to building better conditions for both of you.

10. AGREE TO DISAGREE. You are entitled to ask your partner to help meet your needs, but you are not in the business of getting your partner to come around to seeing the world as you do. It is fruitless to try to convert them to your philosophy of life. Differences should be embraced – including different sets of interests and activities. Finally, it is not up to your partner to fulfill all of your needs, they also have to be met internally and with other people (family, friends)

Ways To Maintain A Healthy Relationship

“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve all aspects of your life, strengthening your health, your mind, and your connections with others. However, if the relationship isn't working, it can also be a tremendous drain. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you can get back. These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.

Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad:

What makes a healthy love relationship?

Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right. 

Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship too. Honest and direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm. Be sensitive to what your partner likes. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat, exactly what you don’t want. 

Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis. Even during very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can help keep bonds strong. If you don't have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode. Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning. Try something new together. Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going on a day trip to a place you’ve never been before

Unreturned Love

The worst thing that can crush one's ego is unreturned love. The first thing one must understand is LOVE. There is no force that is more potent than LOVE. When it is expressed to someone and it is not returned, it makes one's life miserable. Love is the most important of success. Unreturned Love demoralizes someone. It only takes the strong hearted people to bear the pain of unreturned love.

When you are in love, be careful so as not to drown in love. U can sink in love. Unreturned love is also reaping what we have sown; in the sense that, everyone in this world has a crush that we so much love, but the person u have a crush on may not  have the smallest unit of a feeling for you not to even talk of returning the Love you are showing. This simply "those who love us, we don't love them and those who we love, don't love us".

Unreturned love can come in diverse ways: It can come before a relationship kicks off or It can also arise during the course of a relationship. It is better to encounter it before the relationship kicks off than it popping up during the relationship. When it pops up during a relationship, try your best to get the Love u worth back in return with all your instinct but don't make a mistake of forcing the relationship to stand because if you do that, it implies that you demean yourself, tolerate insults and abuse on yourself, live with out integrity, personal dignity and honour will be reduced on your part. After you might have tried your best and it didn't work out fine, just let go and start a refreshed life by changing your entire thinking because you cant change your life if you don't change your thinking....

Conclusively, be wise, be attentive and intellectual to tackle unreturned Love whenever you encounter it.

Demerits Of Being A Housewife

From the general, when anyone hears "housewife", the first thing that comes to his/her mind is: a married woman who has no job doing, a married woman who stays back at home when she's supposed to go out and fend for daily bread. Its the desire of some women to be a full housewife and some were forced to be by their husbands. The only significant merit of being a housewife is the fact that you'll have a close relationship with your children and probably bring them up just the way you want to. Being a housewife has numerous demerits.
a) Little or no respect is commanded or gained : when a woman is fully made a housewife, she can not command enough respect in the society unlike a working woman.

b) Lack of security : a housewife is not secured financially, materially, physically and of course mentally. When a woman is not financially secured, she cant be secured materially because its her finances that will create her materials; in a situation where a woman is not materially secured, the physical security won't in anyway stand and if there is no physical security, mental security cant feature in anyway.

c) Lack of exposure : a housewife (someone who stays at home all day) can't be exposed externally, she can only be exposed internally, and if one is not externally exposed, he/she is not exposed at all because external exposure is the master of all exposures.

d) Poor Packaging : a housewife, no matter how exposed she can be,can't in anyway be well packaged even if the husband is the king of packaging, that trait of a housewife will definitely show.

e) Lack of Recognition: someone who is not exposed or lacks packaging can't be recognized anywhere. That's just the truth.

f) Risk: its very risky being a housewife coz when d husband dies, the family of the husband may gang up against her. Or she will have a problem of managing whatever the deceased leaves her with.

-Jennifer

Love VERSUS Lust

1. Love is unselfish, it cares about the interest of others WHILE lust is selfish and restrictive.

2. Romance in Love starts slowly. (It can take up to few months to a year before it starts) WHILE lust starts fast. (Within hours or days).

3. When you are in Love, you are attracted by the person's personality and self suiting qualities WHILE in lust, you are deeply inpressed or interested in other's physical appearance.

4. The effect of Love makes you a better person WHILE the effect of lust is destructive and disorganizing.

5. When you are in Love, you view each other realistically, seeing each other's faults, yet loving each other WHILE lust is unrealistic, the other person seems perfect, you tend to ignore nagging doubts about serious flaws.

6. Love allows disagreements to be talked and settled WHILE lust doesn't permit that, instead, arguments are frequent, nothing really gets settled (if settled, it's with a Kiss).

7. True Love always wants to give and share with the other WHILE lust lays its emphasis on taking, especially in self satisfaction.

8. Genuine Love grows stronger with time and becomes a perfect bond of union WHILE lust reaches a fever pitch in no time and then fades.

Conclusively, romantic bonds are forged with no prospect of marriage in sight... Watch.

-Guru Jennifer