A Supportive Relationship

One of the hallmarks of a great relationship is being involved with a person who values the other person’s feelings in a respectful and caring way. Validation in a relationship is kind of like a relationship health check. It is the ability to communicate thoughts and feelings that are accepted by the other person. Healthy relationships do not criticize or belittle the other person for expressing their feelings. 

Whether intentional or not, being critical or belittling the other person can send signals that what is being expressed implies the other is wrong, or somehow it makes them a bad person. Invalidation is negative behavior that can and often turns the overall mood of the relationship sour. The initial gut response to the negativity is often anger and resentment. The anger and resentment are the result of feeling the pain of the invalidating comment.

Emotional support is very important as it validates each others feelings by communicating the importance of how valuable the other person is. There are certain characteristics or “checkpoints” that a person can look for in a relationship. Like anything else in life, once in a while it is good to have a check up. While this is not an exhaustive list, here are some points to ask for a quick self check. In parenthesis are examples of invalidation.

Are you open to each others ideas, thoughts and feelings and implement active listening? (looking or walking away when they talk). 

When discussing feelings and emotions is the other person non-critical of you for having them? (stop crying, or, don't be such a baby).

Do you both accept the fact that your feelings and thoughts are your own without being judgmental toward each other? (oh, just get over it, get to the bottom line and stop digressing).

Are you both able to ask for help and support from each other without worrying about how the other person will respond? (not my problem, you're on your own).

Are you both able to talk trusting that the other will empathize with you and have an understanding ear to your concerns? (you are too sensitive, why are you so sensitive about everything?).

Do you both feel accepting of each other with positive regard and have a general sense of mutual support for each others endeavors?

If you answered yes to all of these questions, you are on the right track because these are some of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship. For the ones answered no might be worth taking a look at to see if there is something that can be done. 

By Godwin (Guest Blogger).

Fixing a Failing Relationship

There are ups and downs in every relationship but the ability to make it work is what makes the relationship healthy and steady. Here are some tips to fixing a failing relationship;                   

Determine to remain in the relationship
You have to accept that the relationship is worth staying for. You have to determine to remain in the relationship and make it work. It is a lot easier to fix a failing relationship if you’re convinced that it going to work out fine.

Find out what is wrong
Try and figure out what went wrong with the relationship. Is that you both are arguing and fighting often? If so, what is the cause? Is he becoming distant of late? Can you both still afford to spend quality time together? You may have to write down the things that are wrong with your relationship.

Communication
Choose a time and place that will be agreeable to both parties. It should be private and void of distractions. Listen very attentively to your partner without interrupting him or her. Be attentive to his/her body language and the emotions beneath the words. Choose your words carefully. Avoid insults or derogatory language, shun arguments and name calling. By all means, keep the communication lines open.

Be willing to compromise
If you’re serious about wanting to know how to fix a failing relationship, then you’ll be willing to make compromises. It is not about winning or who was right or wrong. You must be willing to let go of some things so as to preserve your relationship. You both will have to determine the things that are very important to your relationship.

Commitment
After you have identified the problems with your relationship and proffered possible solutions, the next step in trying to fix the relationship is action. It is not just enough to “talk the talk”; you should be willing to “work the talk”. Commit yourself to addressing the issues promptly.

If your are going through a crisis in your relationship, it is a better and a lot easier to know how to fix a failing relationship than enduring the pain of a break up or worse still a divorce. Relationships can be fixed so quitting is not really the option unless you have followed these steps with no improvements.

Relationship Dependency

Are you obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Is your mind clouded with thoughts about him all the time? Do you love and want him so much that it hurts? If the answers to the above questions are yes and you want to make a change and get your life back to normal, read on.

Tips and Warnings


1. Remember that you are born an individual. 
Remember that you were born alone and did not come attached with your boyfriend. You have lived your life before he came into the picture and sure he must have made you feel complete, but never forget that you are born an individual.

2. Do not let past experiences or past relationships control your present. 
Remember that every relationship is different and just because the previous ones didn't work out or just because your friend's relationships set an example to you, doesn't mean you can apply the exact same principles to every relationship. Being clingy and letting your boyfriend take the place of God in your life, just to ensure this relationship doesn't slip away, is the wrong way to go.


3. Know that men enjoy their space. 
Men enjoy, honour, and need space more often than women do. By letting your life revolve around him all the time, he may feel too suffocated. You need to let him have night outs with friends and let him spend individual time nurturing his personal and individual life for him to come back to you energized.


4. Be More assured of yourself. Men love confident women. 
Confidence in a woman attracts men and when a man can see that a woman is able to handle herself with grace, he sees her as a healthy woman and thus sees that he can have a healthy relationship with her.
Men love women who take care and look after themselves.
Remember, that you have to be CONFIDENT and not OVER CONFIDENT. Let there be times where you consult him on decisions you need to take and make it a point to share your feelings from time to time, to stay connected with the relationship.


5. Pamper Yourself. 
Every once a week (or however often you want) make sure that you pamper yourself. You could do this by going for a head massage, a manicure, pedicure, facial, a bubble bath. Or if you do not wish to spend, you can just light some candles and dip your legs in hot water in the comfort of your home.
Remember if you neglect yourself for your boyfriend, you may lose you appeal and charm, something that he fell for you for in the first place.


6. Take Some Me Time.
Take time off and spend time with yourself. Use this time to reconnect with yourself. Take the phone off the hook, switch off your mobile phone and just do whatever you like, but do it alone. Solitude once in a while, helps one reconnect with oneself and feel happy about oneself. You could do this by pampering yourself, listening to your favourite music, watching TV, catching up on a movie, reading a book, a walk to the park or an evening watching the sunset. It makes you realize that you need to love yourself for others to love you.

7. Find a hobby.
 Everybody is gifted with a talent, but one needs to nurture it to get better. Find a hobby and work at it to get better. This not only takes your mind off your relationship for a while, but it also builds up your esteem, confidence and keeps you healthy and happy. Take up anything like painting, playing a musical instrument, pottery, sewing, reading, fishing, drawing, etc. If you have difficulty finding a hobby, you can keep trying different things till you find something you like the most. Join a dance/book/singing club to make new friends while you are at your hobby. It will make the process more interesting.


8. Do Not Forget About the People Who Were In you Life Before your Boyfriend Came Along. 
You obviously have had friends, relatives and your family, who were the people in your life before you entered into a relationship. Don't throw away or ditch any of these just because you have a boyfriend. Not only will you need them someday, but having these people and spending time with them, will help you stay connected to yourself.


9.Meet New People and Make New Friends. 
Don't devote all your time and affection to your boyfriend, Keep meeting new people, take up new projects and be friendly, Build acquaintances and make friends.


10. Schedule your time.
Plan your dates and time with your boyfriend well in advance so that you know when you have time available to reconnect with yourself.

11. Remember all the people you are. 
You may be a girlfriend/partner/wife now, but you also are daughter/sister/mother/cousin/friend/aunt and most importantly you are yourself. Strike a balance between all these relationships and yourself.


12. Strike A Balance Between Being A Girlfriend and Being Yourself. 
Do not devote all your time to yourself, this will not help. You are in a relationship and you need to reserve your time, love and affection for your partner too. Strike a balance between him and yourself and spend time accordingly. Do not phase him out.


13, Check for Self Esteem Issues. 
Most of the time, the reason for being clingy and devoting everything to your boyfriend may be a result of low self esteem and confidence in yourself  Check for such an issue, identify the problem and come up with resolutions to build your esteem. It is important to have faith in oneself.

Relationship And Distance

If you’re contemplating, or are involved in, a long distance relationship then here are some tips that can help you to ensure that absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

1) Agree to the rules.
It is crucial that before you embark on any type of distance relationship you agree to the rules of your partnership upfront. There needs to be a set of ground rules that you both agree to and are prepared to try and abide by. Some of the things you may wish to discuss include whether your relationship will be monogamous or not, who will be expected to visit who and when, and how frequently you will be expected to communicate with one another. If your partner has very different expectations of the relationship than you do, then you need to be prepared to discuss these in detail and be truthful about whether or not you really are prepared to agree to them. Sometimes it is better to cut ties before the long distance relationship starts than it is to attempt to carry on an unhappy partnership.

2) Have an end in sight.
One of the most important elements that any long-distance relationship needs to have is an end. Both parties need to understand how long they will be expected to live without their loved one and when they can expect a more normal relationship once again. Again, it is crucial to be truthful with one another and set realistic expectations about how long the relationship will be carried out over a distance. If you are not entirely sure never be tempted to halfheartedly select a random date as this will only lead to disappointment and potential resentment.

3) Trust one another.
Trust is vital to any relationship but it really does get tested with any long distance relationship. If you honestly feel that you can’t trust your partner while you are separated then you should ask yourself why and address those issues. Don’t be tempted to continually check up on your partner while they are away as you will eventually drive them away.

4) Make an effort.
Unlike many relationships you will not be around on a daily basis to show your loved one how much you care. You will therefore need to make an extra special effort to tell them how you feel and to demonstrate how much they mean to you. Send them text messages at random moments to show them you are thinking of them, hand write letters or send packages of special items. Going that extra mile will help recognize how important you are to them and they will feel confident and comfortable in the relationship.

5) Keep a level of normality.
Many long distance couples find that when they are together their time is spent is cram packed with activities, dinners out and tourist type visits to major landmarks in the host country. This is all well and good but you should also try to leave time to do things that give your relationship a sense of normality, like lazing around in bed on a Sunday morning, watching mindless television or cooking for one another. Keeping things real will give you both chance to relax in one another’s company and you will feel better for it. Do always remember that all couples do argue at some point and, if a visit does not go particularly well do not not automatically assume that it means the end of the relationship, ever single relationship does through peaks and valleys so do not put yourself under pressure for everything to be perfect all the time.

6) Communicate regularly but with flexibility.
All relationship experts will tell you of the importance of regular communication in long distance relationships. This is undoubtedly of utmost importance but you do also need to be able to enjoy the life that you are leading. Do set a regular time aside for communicating with your partner but don’t let it dictate your life. If you are invited to an event or evening out that clashes with the proposed time for contacting your partner tell them plenty of time in advance and arrange an alternative time that you both can commit to.

7) Do things together.
Even though you are physically apart there remains a number of things that you can do together. Arrange a time to watch the same show or movie simultaneously, share a glass of wine while chatting online, read the same book over the course of the week or share a recipe and cook it together. Free internet voice calls using companies like Skype mean that you can put your computers on and spend time doing normal things in each other’s company. You don’t need to be talking but you can feel closer and that you do still share elements of each other’s lives.

8) Leave something to remember you by.
When you visit your partner place hidden gifts or notes throughout their home, car and personal possessions. Be as creative as you can so that they find them gradually over a period of time. Each moment they do find something you left behind they will be reminded of you and will be given confidence that you do love them and are thinking of them

Keeping Up With A Relationship

All couples go through ups and downs; not every day is going to be full of romantic interludes and marathon make-out sessions. But that doesn't mean you should call it quits – even the most proactive pairs can fall victim to bouts of boredom. If you and your partner are feeling uninspired where your relationship is concerned, you might be in a rut. To help you refresh your relationship and get back on track, i have put together some simple tips aimed at retooling your twosome. Here are six rut-busting strategies for a new lease on love..

1. Keep learning about each other
There's more to your partner than meets the eye, and no matter how long you've been together there's always something new to learn. "Continually see your partner as a work of discovery," When we've known someone for a long time, we tend to label them. For example, we think of them as "hard-working" or "smart" or "dull." Resist the urge to label – it's a one-way trip straight into a rut. Instead, start every day with a renewed curiosity about your significant other. "There's a lot you don't know, and by remembering that, you can then set out to discover more about your partner every day,".

2. Continue to date
As relationships develop, the flurry of dating activity (complete with flowers, candles, dinners out and long periods spent gazing into each other's eyes)to each other's eyes) tends to lead to a stage where both people stop trying to woo one another – which can quickly turn into a rut,  "Reserve one night a week that is just for you. Make a big deal out of it," Whether you go out or stay in, spend this night focused on each other in a way that you haven't been since the beginning stages of your relationship. 
Learn relationship advice to keep your romance alive and discover fresh ways to get a new lease on love. 

3. Ditch distractions
How many times have you sat in the same room as the person you love and not exchanged a single word? If you spend more time bonding with your BlackBerry than with each other, it's time to disconnect in order to reconnect. "Eat dinner together and do not bring electronics to the table," Tune into each other and tune out from reading materials, your phones and your iPads. 
In the evenings, spend 15 to 20 minutes plugging into each other every night, unplugged from the Internet, TV and other electronic distractions.

4. Spice up sex
If you're going through the same sequence of moves every time you have sex, it's no wonder you're both bored, Bowman says. "Having sex at a different time of day and in new locations – give the bed a break and explore totally new territory". Try new positions and seducing your partner in a new way. (Send a sexy text in the middle of the work day when they wouldn't expect it, for example.) 
"Get creative," she says. "Creativity is key."

5. Maximize the mundane
The stress of life – long days, epic to-do lists and endless piles of laundry – can often stifle the spark in your relationship. But i suggests taking the mundane and making it fun. "Too often we do things separately in an attempt to get them done more efficiently, but we lose our togetherness in the process," Instead of toiling away solo, get chores done together. Turn on music you both love and clean the house together, work on the bills together and run errands together. 
That way you can catch up while you work (which is especially important if you haven't had much time to talk lately).

6. Be spontaneous
If you want to shake up a rut you need to embrace change. "Many people see change as a stressor, but it's often just what a relationship needs to feel new, It doesn't have to be extreme. It can be as simple as finding a new hobby, eating out at a new place, or both of you trying a cuisine you swear you don't like. "If you're open to new experiences, you will have more to experience with one another, and a lot more to talk about.

Whatever strategies you try, just know that the more effort you put into your relationship, the stronger it will become and the better you and your partner will feel about each other.

Jazz up your relationship by being spontaneous and creativ

Maintaining A Terrific Relationship

Respect your partner. In order to have a happy relationship, allow your partner to maintain a sense of dignity. Don’t ever call your husband names or make degrading statements about his worth, even during an argument. Listen to your partner. Make sure they feel like they are being heard. Taking time to listen is one of the best ways to show someone you respect them.

Accept your partner for who they are. Don’t nitpick. As long as your partner is doing his or her best, don’t criticize them. Did your boyfriend do the dishes, but not put them away exactly where you think they belong? Let it go. Sharing responsibilities means that things won’t always be done your way. For a happy relationship, don’t try to change things about your partner. There might be a thousand things about your wife’s personality that drive you crazy, but unless she’s actively hurting someone, let it go.

Make sure your life together is filled with more positive interactions than negative ones. Make time for fun. Don’t let all your experiences be only about work, be hearty approbation and lavish your partner more often with praise.Make sure your fights are specific. For a happy relationship, work on the actual issue, don’t make broad threats or statements like, “You never help me with the kids!”

Go ahead and sweat the small stuff. Bring up small issues with your partner so that they don’t evolve into a bigger, broader, less specific issue. Addressing smaller issues as they happen enables you to fix them. Don’t be afraid of conflict, as long as it’s specific and constructive. Repair relationship hurts quickly. Being willing to make up quickly after a fight, instead of ruminating on the conflict, tells your partner that you value them more than you value your side of the argument.

Communicate your needs for intimacy, and be aware of your partner’s intimate needs. It’s okay to go through periods of time where you’re less in the mood for romance. Just make sure that you’re communicating to your partner that you still love him, are still attracted to him and that you look forward to a time where things are less stressful and the two of you can be more intimate. Also, for a happy relationship, you must listen to your partner’s needs, acknowledge them and work out a level of intimacy that you can both live with.

Communicate your needs for intimacy, and be aware of your partner’s intimate needs. It’s okay to go through periods of time where you’re less in the mood for romance. (Shutter stock) Say I love you, a lot. If you can stomach it, indulge in cutesy nicknames and squishy love talk. When you call your partner by a sweet nickname or talk in a code language, you’re communicating that the two of you belong together, and enjoy being exclusive. If you’re not the honey bear schmooze pie sort, simply being sure to say, “I love you,” often will let your partner know they’re a part of something you value.

Stay up late talking. Remember those early days in your relationship where it seemed like you didn’t need sleep to function? You stayed up late making love and talking about everything with your partner. Over time, as responsibilities of sharing a life pile up around us, we stop talking about the things that matter to us. Get back into the habit of telling your wife everything that’s on your mind, and make her feel valued and important by listening to her thoughts.

Show gratitude for everything your partner does, even if they do those things automatically. Say thank you for a hot plate of food, take a moment to say thank you for going to work every day. Let your partner know that you realize and appreciate what they do and how hard they work. Don’t take your partner for granted.

Keep the passion alive, but not just in the bedroom. A happy relationship implies that you must share with your partner how you feel. If you’re feeling mad, show your anger, if you’re feeling especially adoring; lavish your partner in praise and admiration. As relationships go on, we tend to express our emotions less, and in more passive ways. These lukewarm expressions of feeling can bring your relationship down. It’s sexy to share passionate feelings with the person you love. Get excited about things and share that excitement.

Your relationship becomes happy ever after!!

Going Steady

In your relationship you will always make promises. Make sure you do this after you know enough about that person. Just because he says he swears on you doesn't mean he will keep it. He will lie to you and you will lie to him just to keep things happy and perfect, just because you get into fights doesn't mean your relationship is ending, sometimes it means that you guys are growing. So just hold on, but if you are unhappy tell him, don't keep it in. Before you ask someone to go steady with you, or accept an offer, really consider it. There are a lot of fun people out there, people you might be interested in. Are you SURE you are ready to turn them down because you are already taken? One of the worst things you could possibly do is say "yes" because it´s nice at the time, and then break the trust later because someone else seemed interesting. It´s much better to admit you´re not ready to shut off all options, and be honest up front. Are you going steady?

Relationship Without Sex

Some people determine their sexual involvement based on physical rather than communication and moral values, I agree that sex is a personal responsibility and must be determined personally. On the other hand, sex involves two people, so it's not just a matter of personal standards. There are those who feel no one has the right to state any standard for sex and it should just be left at: sex with anybody is okay...well, I disagree!
THERE IS MORE TO A RELATIONSHIP THAN "SEX" !

A relationship is about caring for someone, and how do you SHOW this affection, through Patience, Communication, Kindness, Understanding, self-control, trust, respect, and fighting fair. “Avoid blame and judgment. When you start a relationship with someone, You are looking for the real thing. Don't give in to sex if you are not ready, bottom line. If you don't have sex, and the guy doesn't like it, he is not worth it and probably doesn't care enough about you. If you talked about your future and have dated a while and want to express your love for one another, sex is fine and can be fantastic.

If you aren't sleeping together, you are more like "friends" than anything but that is a great basis for a long-lasting relationship. Give it time. Don't give in and if the guy sticks around, even without sex, he really cares!

Being A Lover VS Being in A Relationship

Being in love or growing in love is a necessary ingredient in any relationship but being in love doesn't automatically guarantee a relationship status. Here’s the difference between a lover and a relationship. I consider a lover to be somebody with whom you can get together to have fun. You get to share secrets with each other. You get to have a great time in bed. You share a wonderful evening together and experience what it’s like having this temporary relationship.

It’s just a relationship that temporarily satisfies you that night. When you and your lover leave the bed and you both go to work the next day, however, that conversation does not go further. That conversation goes further in a relationship, because that’s what a relationship is all about. When you’re confessing things in bed in a relationship, you almost always the very next day want to send an email or have another conversation.

You want to take the conversation further, recap the prior night’s conversation or take that conversation to the next level. A relationship involves exposing the depth of who you are as a person. You’re exposing that depth, and you’re going deeper and deeper into that relationship. You’re exploring each other more and more. So those confessions in the middle of the night when you’re in bed lead to more stimulating conversations the next day and lead to more personal discovery.

So when you find a lover, go ahead and confess away and talk about whatever you want. If you don’t want your lover to be a relationship, though, then don’t carry those conversations into the next day, because those kind of confessions are only for people with whom you want to have a relationship.

That’s the biggest difference. Trust your lover, and grow with your relationship

Romance, Intimacy, Sex and Love Making

In the beginning, a relationship starts with romance. The man romances the woman, with the ultimate goal of sexual relations in mind; the woman romances the man, with the ultimate goal of a relationship in mind. Granted, these are stereotypes, but it's probably safe to say this is the case in a large percentage of relationships.


What is Romance?

Romance is the wooing stage of a relationship. One reason many relationships fail is because romance often gets left behind once the relationship moves on to the next stage. The best relationships, the ones that will make it long term, will keep romance in the relationship alive and thriving. Romance isn't just candy and flowers though. 

Romance is remembering her favorite color, knowing when his favorite sports team is playing, remembering birthdays, and knowing each others' likes and dislikes and respecting them. Romancing is putting the other person in the relationship first, before the relationship, and then putting the relationship second, above other things. Romance is taking the time to make time for each other and the relationship, even when time is in short demand.

What is Intimacy?

Intimacy is sometimes the next stage in a relationship and other times sex is the next stages. Each relationship will develop in its own time and way, but let's assume intimacy comes before sex. Intimacy is deeper knowledge of another person, knowing and seeing things others don't usually see and still not losing the spark of the relationship. Intimacy is seeing her with her face cream on and hair in rollers and still wanting to make love to her.

 Intimacy is smelling him all sweaty and dirty from work and finding that the scent turns you on. Intimacy is also talking, sharing feelings, hopes, dreams, aspiration for yourself, for each other, and for the relationship. Intimacy is knowing deep down the things that make him tick, tick him off, or push his buttons. Intimacy is knowing what makes her cry, and when crying is a good thing or a bad thing. Yes, there is such a thing as a 'good cry', and intimacy understands that.

What is sex?

Ohhh, I know, you're thinking this is a silly question, right? Surely everyone knows what sex is! Technically speaking, sex is what cats and dogs do to make kittens and puppies. Sex is the stuff you see animals doing on National Geographic specials. In fact, sex is something people who barely know each other do when they seek nothing other than physical pleasure and release-intercourse, without connection on an emotional of spiritual relationship level. There's nothing wrong with this type of sex, provided both parties are adults, consenting, and have no moral issue against it.

What I'm talking about is not mere copulation though. I'm talking about sex inside a relationship. I'm not necessarily talking about making love, though when two people love each other, that is one component to sex. What I'm referring to here is when the romance and the intimacy levels in a relationship have reached a high enough plateau that the couple wants to physical demonstrate those feelings through sexual activity.

Sex doesn't require being in love, but generally, being in love does tend to increase the pleasure of the sexual act.

What is making love?

Making love is what two people do when their bodies come together and share physical, emotional, and spiritual connective-ness. In order to make love, the couple must actually be in love, but interestingly enough, making love doesn't require sex. Making love is a physical expression of loving, a physical level of emotion, but doesn't necessarily require intercourse.

Why do the differences matter?

Too many times in a relationship, the line between romance, intimacy, love, making love, and sex get blurred. When those lines get blurred, discord enters a relationship and the level the relationship is at becomes unbalanced.

Also, if one person in the relationship is at one level and the other is at a different level, that same unbalance can lead to the demise of the relationship.

Use your judgment, your head and not your heart, when gauging what level you are at in a relationship and look at what level your partner is at too. If you want something, you have to learn to ask for it and know what it is specifically that you are wanting.

There's nothing wrong with wanting romance without sex, or sex without intimacy - but know that beforehand and make your intentions clear to your partner. As long as the relationship moves in a balanced manner, with both parties wanting the same things at the same time, both parties will continue to enjoy and appreciate each other and the state of the relationship.

How To Manage Anger In Your Relationship

Unless we make continuous effort to deal with anger as it arises, our relationship will suffer. Every opportunity to get angry is an opportunity to develop patience. Conflict and disagreement are inevitable in relationships. Anger is a natural emotion, and disagreements can be healthy sign of difference. Conflict usually occurs because certain needs are not being met – either within the relationship or outside or it. The object of conflict management is to ask for those needs to be met in a way that does not damage your relationship.

Here are some tips that may be useful to manage anger and reduce conflict in relationships.

1. TAKE TIME OUT. Disagreements are best dealt with when both parties are in a non-aroused state. Whenever possible, take a time-out to calm your body down. Techniques include breathing, relaxation & visualization (see separate self-help guide). Strong emotions of anger, grief or anxiety do not make it easy for us to access our rational faculties and so there is little benefit of trying to address disagreements in this condition because it often just escalates into insults and unintentional dagger-throwing. Both of you should respect each other’s need for a time-out; it’s not running away from the issue, but preparing yourself to deal with it in more receptive mode.

2. REFLECT INTERNALLY. Check in on yourself and ask yourself what you think the issue is about. Ask yourself what part you are playing in this, are you misinterpreting what your partner has said? Are you in a bad mood from something else? Are you being reasonable here? Ask yourself if you think it is an issue that is important enough to stand your ground on – can you let this go without resentment or do you need to ask your partner for something? Sometimes we argue out of habit and because it connects us (even though it is negative, at least we both get attention). Ask yourself whether you really need to take up this issue. If so, think about what exactly you need to ask for.

3. EXPLAIN. Avoid presuming that your partner should know what is wrong. Empathy is an elusive concept  because it is nearly impossible for another person to truly know what you are experiencing and to give you what you want. It useful if you can ask for what you need.

4. TAKE PERSPECTIVE. There is sometimes great temptation to elevate the stakes in an argument. Threats and ultimatums are damaging to the ego and chip away at the whole of the relationship. Thus, try and keep the argument to the specific issue rather than make the whole relationship at risk. Avoid ‘if you do this one more time…"I can’t take this any more", "I’m leaving"… Each of you should know that however unpleasant this disagreement is, it will not touch the relationship. If the relationship is to end, it should be decided separately to a heated argument.

5. TRY TO PERSONALIZE. The conversation is best approached from a personal angle, rather than blaming your partner. If your partner hears criticism he/she will want to defend himself/herself rather than address the issue. Try and use "I feel"…,"It hurts me when"...,"I would really like it if"…rather than "you make me feel"…"when you do that"… Try also to avoid generalization such as "you always do that"..."you never think"…It is certainly hurtful and is usually inaccurate.

6. OWN UP TO MISTAKES. It is not a weakness to accept that you have acted out of line. Owning up to faults and mistakes is helpful to both parties, so long as it is not done out of martyrdom or for manipulative effect. Apologizing early can save a lot of unnecessary conflict.

7. INCLUDE SOMETHING POSITIVE. When putting your point across, it brings good results if you can refer to something positive as well. The discussion is unlikely to be rosy, but if you can draw on aspects that you do like, it will make your partner less tense and combative. Putting across negative points in a humorous way can also work. Humour doesn't mean your partner is trivializing the issue, rather it makes it easier for him/her to confront an issue.

8. FOCUS ON THE PRESENT. By clinging to the painful memory of a past event (no matter how distressing it was) you are impeded from living in the present. You are entitled to a period of grieving and are allowed to make your needs clear to your partner. Long-held resentment will tarnish a relationship. Try not to use past events as ammunition. Even though it might be a recurring issue, the current disagreement should address the here and now.

9. AIM TO BE HAPPY, NOT TO BE RIGHT. The purpose of approaching conflict is to get to maximum results for both of you. When you argue to win (by point-scoring), the gain is short-term and mostly leaves you feeling worse. When you argue to ask for your needs to be met, it is still unpleasant, but you are working to building better conditions for both of you.

10. AGREE TO DISAGREE. You are entitled to ask your partner to help meet your needs, but you are not in the business of getting your partner to come around to seeing the world as you do. It is fruitless to try to convert them to your philosophy of life. Differences should be embraced – including different sets of interests and activities. Finally, it is not up to your partner to fulfill all of your needs, they also have to be met internally and with other people (family, friends)

Ways To Maintain A Healthy Relationship

“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve all aspects of your life, strengthening your health, your mind, and your connections with others. However, if the relationship isn't working, it can also be a tremendous drain. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you can get back. These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.

Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad:

What makes a healthy love relationship?

Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right. 

Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship too. Honest and direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm. Be sensitive to what your partner likes. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat, exactly what you don’t want. 

Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis. Even during very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can help keep bonds strong. If you don't have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode. Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning. Try something new together. Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going on a day trip to a place you’ve never been before

Are Men Intimidated By A Woman's Success?

Are men intimidated by a woman's success?
Here are several possible factors that cause men to be intimidated by successful women:

1. Self esteem issues
People who struggle with a lack of self esteem will sometimes project those feelings to their partners.

2. Feeling threatened
Its common for some men to feel threatened by women who are more successful than they are. Middle Eastern men especially prefer to be in control and some of them may feel that a woman’s success would undermine their authority.

3. Fear of independence
The idea of financially and emotionally self-sufficient women can be scary to some men. They grow concerned that their partners no longer need them.

4. Shortcomings
Some men might feel they’re a disappointment to their society if their spouse is successful at her career. It makes them feel as though they’ve fallen short of being a real man.

5. Ego complex
Those who are self-centered have a very difficult time coping with the idea that there could possibly exist someone (let alone a woman) more accomplished than them.

6. Losing control
Men tend to want to be in command of all aspects in their lives, including their home and their family. The idea of that control slipping from their hands can cause a dramatic reaction.

 DO YOU AGREE?
Do you feel intimidated by a woman's success?
Have you had to end a relationship because a man could not handle your success?
So then, what is a successful, able and strong girl supposed to do?
Dumb herself down in order to get a man?

Lets hear from you guys...…

How To Overcome Insecurity In Your Relationship

Insecurity could make or mar your relationship. Its a slowly spreading disease that wreaks havoc on your relationship. If detected early enough, you can save your relationship. In fact, it could be your constant insecurity that is doing all the damage to your relationship, not the actual actions taken by your partner. In order to stamp out insecurity, you need to do a personal evaluation to determine the source of the problem, and then consider ways to combat it.

What You Need to Know
Make the time in your relationship to have an open and honest line of communication with your partner. While the prospect of sitting down to talk can initially be daunting, there's nothing to lose. You have a lifetime of productive conversations to gain and frustrations that can be avoided.

Step 1:
Make a list of reasons that cause your insecurity. Do you have a history of cheating partners? You can't hold your current partner accountable for past partners' mistakes. Are you insecure because of your personal appearance? Your partner loves you for more than just your personal appearance. Have you and your partner cheated on each other before? If you decided to stay together, you have to let go of the pain. You can't dwell on the past and expect your relationship to survive. Make a list of these sources and try to attack one of them at a time.

Step 2:
Work on improving your self-confidence. Oftentimes, relationship insecurities are caused by one partner having issues with self-esteem. If you have gained weight and it's making you feel worse about yourself, join a gym or work out at home. Not only will you improve your health, but you will feel better even before you start seeing results. Don't take everything so seriously. If you applied for a promotion at work and didn't get chosen, don't take it personally. It doesn't make you any less of a person. Set small, achievable goals, and when you tackle each one, it will make a huge impact on your self confidence.

Step 3:
Find something that makes you happy. Explore new hobbies to find something you enjoy doing. Not only will this make you happy, but it will help release your inner habits. Finding something you're good at goes a long way when trying to reduce insecurities. This website will help you find activities that sound interesting to you. Pamper yourself. Go get your nails done or buy a new outfit. When you look your best, you will feel your best.

Step 4:
Communicate with your partner. Insecurities are just another reason why good communication is so vital to the stability of relationships. Are your partner's flirting habits fueling your insecurities? Talk to him about it. He might just be a natural flirt and not realize that his actions are affecting your relationship. Are you worried about your wife's new co-worker because he calls her at home? Speak up and let her know what you are feeling. Even if it's just discussions about work, it will help to get the reassurance from her.

Step 5:
Try to enjoy the relationship without worrying so much about the outcome. It's important to consider the possibility of the relationship ending instead of staking all of your feelings in it. While you shouldn't hold back, you should reassure yourself that you'll be okay if you and your partner end up going your separate ways. Honestly, a partner who wants to cheat will end up cheating. You don't have any control over that. You shouldn't waste your time worrying over something that could happen.

Tips & Warnings
Don't hide your insecurities from your spouse. In many cases, your partner will go the extra mile to help rebuild trust in your relationship.
One of the best ways to gain trust in your partner and relationship is to recapture your initial feelings toward each other. Schedule date nights or spend a lazy Sunday together at the Farmer's Market. Spend time together without focusing on your insecurities and you will gain confidence in your relationship.