Romance, Intimacy, Sex and Love Making

In the beginning, a relationship starts with romance. The man romances the woman, with the ultimate goal of sexual relations in mind; the woman romances the man, with the ultimate goal of a relationship in mind. Granted, these are stereotypes, but it's probably safe to say this is the case in a large percentage of relationships.


What is Romance?

Romance is the wooing stage of a relationship. One reason many relationships fail is because romance often gets left behind once the relationship moves on to the next stage. The best relationships, the ones that will make it long term, will keep romance in the relationship alive and thriving. Romance isn't just candy and flowers though. 

Romance is remembering her favorite color, knowing when his favorite sports team is playing, remembering birthdays, and knowing each others' likes and dislikes and respecting them. Romancing is putting the other person in the relationship first, before the relationship, and then putting the relationship second, above other things. Romance is taking the time to make time for each other and the relationship, even when time is in short demand.

What is Intimacy?

Intimacy is sometimes the next stage in a relationship and other times sex is the next stages. Each relationship will develop in its own time and way, but let's assume intimacy comes before sex. Intimacy is deeper knowledge of another person, knowing and seeing things others don't usually see and still not losing the spark of the relationship. Intimacy is seeing her with her face cream on and hair in rollers and still wanting to make love to her.

 Intimacy is smelling him all sweaty and dirty from work and finding that the scent turns you on. Intimacy is also talking, sharing feelings, hopes, dreams, aspiration for yourself, for each other, and for the relationship. Intimacy is knowing deep down the things that make him tick, tick him off, or push his buttons. Intimacy is knowing what makes her cry, and when crying is a good thing or a bad thing. Yes, there is such a thing as a 'good cry', and intimacy understands that.

What is sex?

Ohhh, I know, you're thinking this is a silly question, right? Surely everyone knows what sex is! Technically speaking, sex is what cats and dogs do to make kittens and puppies. Sex is the stuff you see animals doing on National Geographic specials. In fact, sex is something people who barely know each other do when they seek nothing other than physical pleasure and release-intercourse, without connection on an emotional of spiritual relationship level. There's nothing wrong with this type of sex, provided both parties are adults, consenting, and have no moral issue against it.

What I'm talking about is not mere copulation though. I'm talking about sex inside a relationship. I'm not necessarily talking about making love, though when two people love each other, that is one component to sex. What I'm referring to here is when the romance and the intimacy levels in a relationship have reached a high enough plateau that the couple wants to physical demonstrate those feelings through sexual activity.

Sex doesn't require being in love, but generally, being in love does tend to increase the pleasure of the sexual act.

What is making love?

Making love is what two people do when their bodies come together and share physical, emotional, and spiritual connective-ness. In order to make love, the couple must actually be in love, but interestingly enough, making love doesn't require sex. Making love is a physical expression of loving, a physical level of emotion, but doesn't necessarily require intercourse.

Why do the differences matter?

Too many times in a relationship, the line between romance, intimacy, love, making love, and sex get blurred. When those lines get blurred, discord enters a relationship and the level the relationship is at becomes unbalanced.

Also, if one person in the relationship is at one level and the other is at a different level, that same unbalance can lead to the demise of the relationship.

Use your judgment, your head and not your heart, when gauging what level you are at in a relationship and look at what level your partner is at too. If you want something, you have to learn to ask for it and know what it is specifically that you are wanting.

There's nothing wrong with wanting romance without sex, or sex without intimacy - but know that beforehand and make your intentions clear to your partner. As long as the relationship moves in a balanced manner, with both parties wanting the same things at the same time, both parties will continue to enjoy and appreciate each other and the state of the relationship.