Monday 29 July 2013

Abstinence


It is no news that sexual abstinence is going out of style. Young people don’t even give it a thought because being a virgin is not cool. Girls aren't left out here. Practices that were considered unclean or extreme in early times are normal now. Going anal is cool, so is masturbation, bestiality, orgies, homosexuality and lesbianism. Getting to this point was facilitated and is currently maintained by the media. The belief that sex sells has made every advert sexy. Clothes must be sexy, lingerie must be sexy, employees must be sexy, even furniture should be sexy. Sexiness is in and chastity is out.

Despite the sexy noise going on in the world today, which I like to call the “over-sexualization” of humans, some people seek abstinence but do not know how to achieve and sustain it. Most do not believe it is even possible. For the virgin, the issue is simpler as he or she has not yet been exposed to sex. Hence, would have lesser urges. Virgins simply need support and reinforcement of sorts. However for someone who has tasted of the deep waters of sex, grace is required. The first step to achieving this feat is the realization that it is possible.

Know your reason
This is the most important milestone in the journey of abstinence. The reason defines the quest. In hard times, it is what will keep you holding on. There are several reasons to abstain from sex. Most common among them is religion. Personally I think the fear of a lake that burns eternally is enough reason to abstain from premarital sex and adultery.

Keeping oneself for marriage is a good one. I think marriage is worth the long wait. Marriage is a good place to learn together in bed. If you are still going to have to learn your spouse’s sexual preferences, why not wait for that one person and build the preferences together? In some cases the individual simply desires a different lifestyle form what is considered the norm and this influences his decision to have sex or abstain from it. Others include a disinterest in sex, fear of sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy etc
 

Your reason for abstaining from sex is totally your choice. Choose wisely because the strength of your reason will define the success or otherwise of your quest. 

Make a decision
After you have identified your reason for abstaining form sex, you need to make a decision that you will not have sex and that you will stay true to the decision. You must be convinced that you can do it. This is what monks and nuns do. They make a decision to abstain from sex and marriage altogether. You have to admire them. They must be extraordinarily strong, right? How are they genetically different from you?

After you have made the decision, realize that you must build a lifestyle that supports it. You might have to move house, change friends and scene completely. You might also have to change your partner. This depends on your age and readiness to marry. If you are young and not ripe for marriage, you might consider not dating entirely. Dating complicates the issue because it is the same as dangling a roasted chicken in front of a hungry man.

Master yourself
Society dictates a lot of things. It even dictates what you think you can or cannot do. Society will tell you for instance, that it is impossible for you to abstain from sex because you are a man. This means that you are weak and powerless against the dictates of your boy. Your body is more powerful than you are. In fact we are told that the penis is a brain by itself and it does what it wants. This is degrading. Whatever happened to self control? You own your body. Your sex organs are simply organs. You can control them. All that you require is determination and discipline. Don’t let your urges control you. Rather, master them.

Focus
Place all you concentration on your work or on your religion. If you are abstaining for religious reasons, there should be religious activities that will keep your mind off having sex. Prayer and church work for instance. If not, you could bury yourself in your work or studies. You’ll be more productive and accomplished because you would have invested a lot of effort and time into your endeavor. It is important not to leave room for idleness because we have heard at one time or the other that an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.

Watch what you consume
In keeping up with your chaste lifestyle you will have to avoid materials that will make your quest even more difficult. Materials such as sexually themed videos, music, movies and books. Like I said earlier, you might want to stay away from friends who will complicate issues either by shaming you or tempting you. You should also replace the sexual materials with those that will aid your abstinence. Materials such as holy books or philosophical literature will help reinforce your stand.

Do not tempt the devil

If you aren't ready for marriage, you might want to give up dating altogether. Kissing and petting won’t help your resolve to abstain from sex. It would be best to keep away from all sexually related activity. I am sure you’ll think this is hard. What is hard is engaging in sexual activity without having sex. I shall repeat that with a strong resolve, abstinence is very possible.

Get back up when you fall

Realistically, you might not attain perfection. That rarely happens. Sometimes, you might give in to temptation and have sex. However, this does not have to mean the end of your resolve to abstain. When you stumble and fall, get up, dust yourself and try again. Note what made you stumble and resolve to keep away from it. At least you would have learned something form the incident. Don’t beat yourself up. You won’t win any prizes for it.

Eyes on the prize

Once again, I reiterate the importance of the reason. At the point when desire is raging and all sense is lost, you need a strong reason to focus on. Keep your eye on the prize and focus on the fact that it is worth all that you are giving up. Most religions it seems, are against premarital sex. If this is the case, why then do most people believe that it is impossible not to have premarital sex? It could be because they have no prize. You have established one. Focus on it.

Plan your life
To maintain a life of abstinence from sex, you might have to alter your life plan a little. It would make sense to consider getting married early. For instance, a man might want to plan towards getting married early, say 22 or 25 years. This will keeping him focused on earning a living early and building enough to sustain his family. All the time that would have been spent on sexual escapades would have been spent trying to make money even while still in school.

Dating rules
If you must date, maybe because you are ready to marry, do so in groups. Several churches have such arrangements. They facilitate a sex free courting period. Here you could get to know your partner-to-be in an atmosphere that won’t leave room for desire to overcome you both.

Also ensure that you two are never alone. Do not talk dirty on the phone and resist the urge to send nude pictures to each another.

All these scenarios would not even arise if you sat down to have a serious conversation about your expectations. It is important especially for the man to feel no shame in telling the lady that you do not want sex before marriage. You can only continue to date such a person if she shares your views or values, or if you are convinced that she is prepared to wait with and for you.

For those who seek power, spiritual or otherwise, noted German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche says "Abstinence results in accumulation of power".

In conclusion, if you do not learn to abstain while you are single, you are setting yourself up for a fall when you get married. This is because, in marriage, there will be times of abstinence. Self mastery and discipline are lost values in these times. Attaining them would be a feat worthy of commendation.

Saturday 27 July 2013

Considerations Before Going into a Relationship








A relationship with someone you truly love and care about can be invigorating and life changing. In order to experience this bliss, you have to be ready to be in a relationship. It is no secret that relationships take a lot of work, and life continuously throws things at us to make navigating through relationships more and more difficult. However, if you are genuinely ready to be in a relationship, the process of navigating through relationships can be a bit easier. To the contrary, if you enter into a relationship before you are truly ready to do so, the result can be disastrous. Although it may be natural to want to be in a relationship, there are several things you should consider before pursuing a love interest or agreeing to be in a relationship.

Time Commitment.
One of the most important factors that people seem to forget about when it comes to relationships is the amount of time that most relationships take. Every couple is different, so the amount spent together can be vastly different from couple-to-couple. However, the addition of a person into your life will certainly result in less “you” time. In addition to one (or a few) dates per week, you and your partner will likely spend a few evenings together after work and on the weekends as well. If you have a very active social life, think about how you might incorporate a significant other into your routine. No room? Maybe you should wait until you have a little more time on your hands to devote to someone else. Some people may think that long-distance relationships do not require a significant time commitment due to the distance between partners. To the contrary, some long-distance relationships can actually require more of a time commitment than traditional relationships because more time must be spent on the phone or with other forms of communication to make up for the lack of physical contact and face-to-face communication.

Stage of Life. 
Take time to consider what stage of life you are in. If you are in a period of transition, and are not quite certain about your future plans (whether they are long-term or short-term), you may want to hold off on entering into a relationship until you are more settled. If you wait to enter into a relationship when you are settled, it will be easier to make decisions for you and your partner down the line, and you will also know what you want in the relationship and in general, which will help you keep your voice in the decision-making process.
Baggage. If you still carry around the scars of an old relationship with you, definitely do not enter into a new relationship. While the new relationship can help mask the pain of your old relationship, until you completely drop your emotional baggage, you will not be able to give all of yourself to your partner.

Self Love. 
Before you can love anyone else, you must love yourself. Take time to really think about whether you feel comfortable in your own skin. Why or why not? If you find an area that is lacking, you may want to strengthen the love you have for yourself prior to entering into a relationship. Nothing can fill the void of self love—not even the best partner.

Friday 26 July 2013

Relationship Reality Check



Every now and then your primary relationship (with your spouse, partner, lover) needs a reality check to make sure you are both on the same page and in touch with each other.   
I've been reading many articles lately about men and women whose spouses/partners have left them unexpectedly leaving them both surprised and devastated.

Most of them had no inkling that the relationship was anything but good. They saw no signs of trouble, unusual behavior, or what was to come crashing down on them.

How does this happen?

Unfortunately it does happen, and it happens to couples that allow themselves to fall into an unconscious routine. They begin to take each other for granted, lose connection with each other's thoughts and feelings and generally forget to do the small, considerate things they used to do in the past. It happens more often than anyone would care to admit.
Before the situation deteriorates to the point of no return, there are some things you can do to make sure you and your partner are in sync and working together.

Respect each other
Try to understand each other's feelings and points of view. Don't try to change one another now that you're in the relationships. You were initially attracted to each other for a reason. Remember what it was and continue to appreciate it.

Communicate.
Never underestimate the importance of good communication. If something is going on inside of you, share it. Don't keep your feelings, good or bad, to yourself. If you have a problem let your partner in on it. Work on a solution together. It will create intimacy and bring you closer together. When something good happens to you at work or you've achieved a goal, share that as well. All sharing and exchanging of information brings people closer to each other. Practice communicating with each other.

Do the little things
Be considerate and thoughtful. If you're getting yourself a coffee, apple or snack from the kitchen ask your partner if he/she wants one too. When your spouse is tired and sore give him/her a back rub or massage. Be aware of each others needs.

Don't get caught up in the rat race.
People get too wrapped up in getting ahead and the mechanics of everyday living. They rush around doing, getting, and not taking time to live in the moment. By not paying attention to each other you can become disconnected with yourself and your partner.

Maintain a Sense of Humor.
Laugh together. Don't take things too seriously. Barring a tragedy, nothing is so serious that you can't step back and look at the humorous side. Laughter is contagious and creates intimacy.

Take care of and respect yourself.
As mentioned in Love Yourself in order function fully, strive for balance. If you don't take care of yourself, everything around you will fall apart including your relationship.

Have a Life.
Everyone needs a life of his/her own. If you don't have one, you not only tend to invade someone else's space, you probably become too dependent and therefore less interesting. One of the most important things you can bring to a relationship is your unique set of qualities and a different perspective. Contrary to what you may think, maintaining your individuality and having a life of your own strengthens a relationship and keeps it fresh and interesting.


Thursday 25 July 2013

After A Breakup


We have all had relationships in our past that didn't work. Then there was one who got away, but shouldn’t have. This is the one that felt as if it was meant to be. This is the one that felt like true love yet it just would not work. You felt like the Universe conspired to bring the two of you together against all odds and all the signs were positive and pointed in the direction of the two of you being together. How do you let go of a relationship like this? Here are some tips;

1. Never ever run back to them or call them all the time. You can just never let go of that special guy/girl that taught you how to love. When you guys break up, then it happens for a reason. Don't keep calling him/her and talking to them like nothing happened or try to make them love you again. It's not going to work out. It'll just make you seem weak and clingy.

2. Forgive and forget. Let things go and remain cool. Don't let your ex see you miserable without them, it'll just give them the satisfaction and an ego boost.

3. It's okay to cry at night. For the first few weeks, it's going to be a long and lonely journey. So it's OK to cry. Cry your heart out for the matter of fact. You are going to stop crying in the end because you'll get sick of it and realize that it's a temporary phase. Listen to sad love songs. It'll make you feel better and you'll realize that you can relate to them even more after a breakup. Get it all out and then deal with it.

4. Remain positive. Just because he/she broke up with you or doesn't want you back doesn't mean that you're "worthless". There are plenty of other people who want you and would be willing to treat you even better than your ex. Smile and laugh. Surround yourself with friends and people who care. Not only will you feel better, your ex will notice how happy you are and maybe regret rejecting you.

5. Lift your head up high and move on. Don't let one relationship drag you down even though it was the best one you ever had. There will be plenty more and it's his/her loss. You are too good for them anyway. Tell yourself that. Tell yourself that you need someone who will treat you right. Just be strong and forget about your ex.

6. Don't try to fling or have special relationships with your ex. It never ends up right when you just go back into that cycle. Yes, "that" cycle. Where you guys break up then make up then act all cute and happy but in the end, you'll just be heartbroken and cry. Yes ... that cycle. Relationships end for many reasons.

7. Consult a friend if you feel lame or played. When your ex plays around with your heart when he/she knows that you still want them, that's when you definitely know that he/she is not for you. It's OK to feel this way, completely normal. Don't hold your feelings in, talk to a friend and cry. Let them comfort you and let yourself vent your feelings. You'll definitely feel better.

8. Shop, exercise and socialize. It'll make you feel better to buy new outfits so you can look even more attractive. Not only will it boost your confidence, it will also boost your self-esteem. Looking good will make you feel good. Exercise is also a good way to vent your frustration and pain. Socializing with others would keep you distracted from your ex, bolster your self-esteem, and help you get over your ex. When you are occupied with other people, you'll think, "Hey! Being single isn't bad. I get to make new friends and have more time to myself". You have to mingle!

9. Whenever you miss him/her try to engage yourself or take a nap it refreshes your mind

10. Don't try to work things out with your ex you will just make them think that you still want them and that they have your heart.

11. It's okay to start liking other people after a couple of months, meaning you can't wait for your ex forever. Recover and then get out there again.

12. Give it time; you are heart broken now, but just wait you will recover. You will forget about your ex with time.

Monday 22 July 2013

Fixing a Failing Relationship



There are ups and downs in every relationship but the ability to make it work is what makes the relationship healthy and steady. Here are some tips to fixing a failing relationship;                   

Determine to remain in the relationship
You have to accept that the relationship is worth staying for. You have to determine to remain in the relationship and make it work. It is a lot easier to fix a failing relationship if you’re convinced that it going to work out fine.

Find out what is wrong
Try and figure out what went wrong with the relationship. Is that you both are arguing and fighting often? If so, what is the cause? Is he becoming distant of late? Can you both still afford to spend quality time together? You may have to write down the things that are wrong with your relationship.

Communication
Choose a time and place that will be agreeable to both parties. It should be private and void of distractions. Listen very attentively to your partner without interrupting him or her. Be attentive to his/her body language and the emotions beneath the words. Choose your words carefully. Avoid insults or derogatory language, shun arguments and name calling. By all means, keep the communication lines open.

Be willing to compromise
If you’re serious about wanting to know how to fix a failing relationship, then you’ll be willing to make compromises. It is not about winning or who was right or wrong. You must be willing to let go of some things so as to preserve your relationship. You both will have to determine the things that are very important to your relationship.

Commitment
After you have identified the problems with your relationship and proffered possible solutions, the next step in trying to fix the relationship is action. It is not just enough to “talk the talk”; you should be willing to “work the talk”. Commit yourself to addressing the issues promptly.

If your are going through a crisis in your relationship, it is a better and a lot easier to know how to fix a failing relationship than enduring the pain of a break up or worse still a divorce. Relationships can be fixed so quitting is not really the option unless you have followed these steps with no improvements.



Sunday 21 July 2013

Story: A Wife's Unfailing Love For Her Husband

I, Sarah Adams take you, Lawson Kuti as my lawful wedded husband, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do us part” she smiled at him through her veil. 

“You may now kiss your bride Mr. Lawson” The Pastor beckoned. 

Lawson’s heart raced as he gently unveiled his bride’s face. She looked so beautiful. He gently bent over and placed a soft kiss on her lips. Sarah in turn embraced him tightly with tears of joy streaming down her face. 

“Never leave me Sarah” He whispered in her ear. 

“I will never leave you” she whispered and they slowly released themselves from the embrace. 

“I present to you the latest couple!” The Pastor exclaimed excitedly 

The church cheered and Sarah cried more in her husband’s arms 

5 years Later 

Sarah silently tip toed behind her husband. He was in his study, engrossed in reading. She smiled to herself and gently covered his eyes with both hands. 

“It’s just you and I in this house Sara, plus, I smelled you the moment you walked in” He dropped 

Sara released her hold, sighed and sat on the study table, “Why do you figure me out so easily? I can’t even surprise you! That sucks” she curled her arms around his neck 

“You are my wife, nothing you do is supposed to surprise me” He playfully pecked her nose.

“But you’ve been in the study all day and I’m bored!” She rolled her eyes 

“So what kind of fun do you suggest we have then?” He swooped her off the table in his arms 

“No! no that kind of fun!” She hit him playfully till he put her down 

“Ok”, He folded his arms on his chest, looking into her eyes, “So what do you want us to do?” 

“Not us. Actually, all I want is to play with your play station and you’ve hidden it again! Just give it to me and you can continue your reading, pleaaaseee” She blinked her eyes playfully 

“No way”, He went back toward his study chair and sat, “Not my play station” 

“Why! You never let me touch it…like its your baby” She sulked 

“Well”, he rolled his eyes, “Not like you’ve given me a baby yet” 

Sara paused for a moment. Did he just say that to her? The words struck her deep down 

“You shouldn’t have said that Lawson…” She managed to say, her countenance changing. 

“But it’s true…I’m only saying the truth Sara” He turned to face her, still sitting on the chair. 

“The truth? You think I don’t want us to have kids?” 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that…” He stood to face her now. 

“Then what are you saying Lawson? Tell me, what is the truth?” 

“Let’s not do this today…please. You can have the play station and play all you want. It’s in my footwear locker and the key is in my Bible” 

“You always do this…hurting me with your words” Her voice began to shake 

“Don’t start Sara please” 

“Tell me why you said those words to me! I want to know!” 

“Because I’m tired! I want to be a father! I want to have my own kids Sara…” 

” and you think I don’t?!” Sara flared, trying not to let the tears pour 

“Then why can’t you get pregnant Sara? This is the fifth year we are trying.” He clenched his teeth and walked out of the study room. 

Sara was in shock. She sat on the chair for some seconds, stood up again and sat on the chair again…this time she held on to her blouse and burst into tears. 

2 weeks after 

“Lawson, wake up please” Sara tapped him 

Lawson gently opened his eyes and looked at the alarm clock by his bedside, “It’s 2:00am Sara…” 

“It’s urgent” 

“I’m listening” He said drowsily 

“Mother says we should come for tests. She says she’s spoken to her doctor and he said we should come.” 

“What?” Lawson opened his eyes now, “Your mother is in the UK for Christ's sakes” 

“Let’s just do it. We can go for the weekend, lets just give it a shot, please.” 

“No. That would be rather expensive and…” 

“It’s my birthday today and the only thing I want from you is this trip” 

Lawson fell quiet now. For the past two years now, his wife’s birthday skips his mind…totally. 

“I’m…I’m sorry Sara…It skipped my mind…” 

“It always does” She lay down back on the bed, backing him. 

Lawson wrapped his arms around her waist, “I said I’m sorry…” 

No response. 

Lawson sighed, “Fine, we go this weekend” 

“Really?” She turned sharply, excited 

“If it will make you happy today” 

“Thank you baby” She hugged him. 

A week after 

Sara jerked at the vibration of the phone in her pocket. 

“Hi mom!” she pressed the phone to her ear with her shoulders, wiping the washed dishes with her hands. 

“Honey…” 

“What is it mom?” she pressed it harder 

“The result…the result of the tests…” her mother cried 

Sarah gently dropped the plate and the wiper, hear racing…”Just say it mom…” 

That night 

“I can never have children Lawson…” Sara cried 

Lawson felt his world crash right in front of him, “W…what?” 

“Mama called today…she’s gotten the tests results” 

“Jesus Christ” Lawson stood, placing his palm on his head, “b…but you told me you were ok before we got married, you told me the doctor said your abortion didn’t damage your womb” 

“Don’t bring my past into this!” Sara flared 

Lawson laughed and got serious almost immediately, “You are crazy. I married a crazy woman!” 

Sara looked at him in shock, like he’d lost his mind. 

“The results say you can never have children and we both know that this has to do with the abortion you had before we met!”, he flared, “are you happy?…you know we’re screwed right? No kids? what re we going to tell the world?” 

“Lawson we can adopt…” Sara cried 

“Adopt? Wow!”, he laughed again, “I married a funny woman too!” He got serious again, “Its still not our baby! The damn baby is not my flesh and blood! You are full of deceit Sara” He looked into her eyes. Sara could see him fighting his tears. 

“Lawson stop…you are hurting me…” Sara fell on her knees crying 

“You want to know what I’m thinking?” Lawson looked at her with disgust, “I’m thinking how on earth I’m going to stand seeing your deceitful face for the rest of my life” 

“Sara cried harder, “Dont give up Lawson…So far I have a womb…I can still carry our baby…” 

“I am not giving up on having my baby, I’m giving up on you” Lawson turned around to leave

“Lawson!” She held his feet, “I’m hurting too…” 

He only dragged his feet from her hold and drove out of the house. She wept. 

A Month Later 

“Mother, he’s not even talking to me. All of a sudden we are both strangers…He doesn’t eat my food, comes home late…he hates me so much and it's killing me. I’m confused…to think that it’s truly hurting…” 

“For how long will you hide this truth from him. You’ve got to let him know…you can’t carry his…” 

There was the sound of a car horn 

“Mom I’ve got to go…he’s back” 

“Baby, you’ve got to let him know. It can work when you two are one in mind” 

“Bye mom” she ended the call. 

Lawson came into the house, about to walk past her. 

“Lawson” She held him 

“I’m tired” He didn’t want to look at her face 

“I know…can we talk for some minutes?” She tried to help him remove his suit 

“Look what is it” He jerked from her 

“Do you hate me this much? you can’t even look me in the eye? you can’t even stand my sight? Lawson…it’s me Sara…your best friend…” Her eyes grew moist 

“I’m in no mood for this” He turned around to walk away 

“Don’t you dare leave when I’m talking to you!” She dragged him by the suit. Just then, some papers fell to the floor. Sara quickly bent to pick them up…her hands shook and her body became numb all over. 

“D…divorce papers? Lawson?” She searched his eyes 

“Answer me goddammit!” She held him by the collar of his shirt, crying 

“They are for you to sign. I want to be out” Lawson dropped 

“Y…you what?” she slowly freed him from her hold 

“It’s not going to work Sara, can’t you see?” 

“Lawson I can’t believe you would think of a divorce and even go this far…why are you so wicked!” she cried, angry 

“No! Why are you so wicked!” He retorted, flaring 

“Think about me for once. I am a man for Christ's sakes. My children are my pride! and you are about to deny me that for the rest of my life because of your stupid mistake!” 

“What about me! have you stopped for once to think about what I’m going through” 

“It's your cross, carry it” Lawson fixed his angry eyes on his wife 

“No, its now our cross and I am not signing those divorce papers! We vowed never to leave each other!” 

“Isn’t it better Sara that you save yourself more hurt and sign these papers than to see another woman move into this house before your very eyes?” he said with a tone of sarcasm

Sara’s heart thumped, “What?” 

“You heard me…another woman who can help raise a family, so save yourself the stress and sign the damn papers. I need it tomorrow”He turned around to leave again 

“She still can't carry your baby” Sara dropped 

“Not all women had abortions. Not every woman was like you.” He scorned 

“You are the one who can’t give me a child!” Sara let out, crying. 

Lawson stopped now, turned around and walked towards her, “Whatever your plan is won’t work” 

“I told you I could never have a child because its you who can’t make me pregnant” 

“Shut up! shut up Sara! what the hell are you saying!” He shook her shoulders violently 

“You are infertile Lawson…the doctor says you have primary infertility…” Sara burst into tears 

Lawson gasped, loosing his balance. 

“Mother called me to give me the news. I was shattered, I felt like my world was over but more importantly I thought of you. I thought of what the news could do to you, I thought of the best way to tell you… never for once did i think of leaving you. I bore your insults, your scorn, because of my past. It was so easy to judge me and think of yourself. I am the one who is hurting, I am the one who should bring some miserable divorce papers…but I thought of you…I thought of hope, faith and a miracle…I thought of my vow to you on that altar. In sickness and in health remember?”, she smiled through her tears, “all of a sudden you are as weak as a baby…looking in your eyes, I can see you sudenly have lost all your guards, You are so wicked” 

“Sara…” Lawson fell on his knees, torn. 

“No!” She quickly fell on her knees too, “No Lawson…” She couldn’t bear to see him cry 

“I’m…I’m infertile”, he cried, “What is left of me?” he searched his wife’s eyes 

“Lawson please…” she held his face, “I understand…it has been so hard for me…I have put myself in your shoes since the first day…” 

“You don’t deserve this…you deserve better…I can’t believe I scorned you all along…please let me leave you” 

“No” she shook her head, “You are my husband. I won’t leave you. I won’t let you leave me…I believe in miracles” 

“I’m doomed…Sara I’m doomed…”He allowed his wife take him in her arms and on her shoulder he wept like a child. 

In The Morning 

Sara gently opened her eyes, looking beside her bed…it was empty. She quickly sat up on seeing a note gently placed on the bed. Hands shaking, she opened the letter to read. 

Sara, 

I cannot bear the shame. I have treated you so unfairly, yet you love me still, you are with me even in this condition of mine. To think that you knew all along and you never for once gave me a clue that it is my fault we are in this mess, makes me so unworthy of you. I love you enough to let you build another life with a man who can make you happier. I’m torn Sara and all I ask is your forgiveness. I have always loved you and if you truly love me then please start your life over again…without me…I am truly sorry for disappointing you. 

Lawson. 

Sara couldn’t control the tears. She couldn’t think straight anymore. She picked her cell phone, shaking… 

“Hi Mr. Lawson’s office please” 

“Hi Lola…” she cried, “have you seen my husband today?” 

“No…no ma’am, we’ve been expecting him at work. He has a presentation is fifteen minutes” 

“Oh God…God…” Sara dipped her hand in her full hair 

“Everything ok ma’am?” 

“Thank you” she ended the call. 

She quickly got down from the bed and in her pyjamas she ran into her car. She dialed his number repeatedly as she drove…no answer. 

At 2:00 pm 

She sped into Fred’s compound, a close friend to her husband. 

“Fred!” she banged the door hastily till the door flung open 

“My God Sara what’s wrong?” Fred held her 

“It’s…it's Lawson…have you seen him? is he here?” 

“No…Haven’t heard from him in a week” 

“Oh God” she held her hair 

“What’s wrong?” 

But she was already walking away into her car. 

“Sara!” He called after her. 

She zoomed away. 

4:30 pm 

“Mom, Dad, I can’t find Lawson…I can’t find your son…” she cried as she paced in front of the two who looked lost 

“You have to calm down and tell us what happened” Lawson’s mother put her arms around Sara. 

Sara burst into tears, “Please Dad could you try his number, maybe he’d pick your call?” 

“Have you been to his office?” He picked his cellphone and dialed his son’s number 

“I have been everywhere I know him to be likely available” 

“It’s ok…calm down please” Lawson’s mother pet her 

“He’s not picking. What exactly went wrong between you two?” Lawson’s father searched Sara’a eyes 

9:00 pm 

Sara was still in her pyjamas and on her way back home, exhausted and stuck in the traffic. She had told Lawson’s parents everything. The poor couple was so shattered and also begging her to begin a new life. Sara buried her head on the steering, crying; she hadn’t realized the green light. 

“Hey get off the freaking road!” a driver cursed from behind her 

“God please don’t let him harm himself…keep him safe and lead me to him…please God…” she quickly started the car and began to move. 

Suddenly she remembered the church where they wedded and took their vows. It was two hours from here; she made a u-turn and headed for the church hoping to find some peace. 

She tiredly got down from the car, drenched and exhausted. She trudged into the open entrance of the church. She paused for a moment; shocked…it was Lawson sitting at the front row of the empty church, facing the altar. 

“Lawson!” She began to run towards him, happy, relieved that he was ok. 

“Sara?” He quickly stood as she approached him, “Sara…” 

They both ran into each other’s arms. He hugged her so tightly 

“I looked for you everywhere….thi s was the last place I thought you’d ever be…I just came and I saw you…Lawson….I’m so happy you are ok” she touched his face 

“I didn’t know where else to go…It just feels like I cant face the world anymore…” he slowly released her from his embrace. 

“Take my hand” Sara stretched out her hand, “C’mon, just take it” 

Lawson gently clasped his hand into hers and she took him to the altar and stood to face him. She searched his eyes so deeply and hadn’t seen him so weak and helpless. 

“Five years ago Lawson, we both stood on this altar. Remember our vows? Remember you whispered in my ear never to leave you. I told you I wouldn’t…that’s why I’m here. I am your wife Lawson, I am meant to be with you forever, though the bad and good times. We’ve had good times, why would I leave you now? All I want from you is to believe that you can still give me a child despite what the result said…I want you to believe in a miracle”, she held his face, “remember when you told me I was a miracle in your life?…our children will be our miracles too. Trust God with me because I know it won’t be long…” 

“Who are you Sara…” Lawson was weak with her words 

“The one who vowed to be with you till the end” she smiled through her thin tears 

“God I love you so much Sara” He hugged her again 

“So will you come back home with me?” Sara searched his eyes 

“I have no other place to call home” He placed a soft kiss on her lips. 

2 Years After 

Lawson and Sara were on the sofa watching a late night movie. Sara was resting on his shoulders when she felt the movement 

“Lawson Lawson, it moved again…don’t miss it this time touch touch” she gently placed his palm on the side of the stomach. Both felt the movement of their child 

“I can feel him…I can feel him” Lawson placed his head on her belly 

“I can feel him growing each day inside of me…” 


“What do you think its saying now by this movement?” 



“Thank you dada for believing in me” she laughed. They both laughed “The movement has stopped” he slowly removed his head from her stomach, “I think he’s sleeping” 



Sara rested on his shoulders again, “In six months you’d be a father, “You finally got your miracle” 


Lawson tilted his wife’s face to him, looking into her eyes, “Sara…you were the miracle I needed. Thank you for not leaving me.” 


Sara tickled his nose with hers, “I love you too. Always will”, she smiled, “We missed a whole lot on our movie” 


“Movie can wait, but this can’t” He gently planted a kiss on her belly. 


Hi Friends, 


First, we forget our vows so easily, so quickly that once our marriages start hitting the rocks, we fail to realize that there is power in union. When there is union, every mountain can be subdued. The problem is people don’t yet understand the concept of marriage and trust me, until you do, please don’t go to the alter because what you don’t understand will eventually become a burden and confuse you. The concept of marriage is ‘for better, for worse’. The ‘worse’ moments always come. I am not saying expect bad things but I’m saying that challenges come in marriage to make you stronger in oneness so don’t use it against yourselves. 



Second, miracles are real and I hope we all learn to have the patience to have our miracles in the end. Remember that marriage is a ‘stick and stay’ relationship not a ‘hit and run’ thing.


Remember your vows each day.

Saturday 20 July 2013

Relationship Etiquette



When we get to the point where, instead of compromising, we're just not willing to do another thing. Unquestionably, we do create potholes in our relationships that don't need to be there. Navigating those speed bumps requires a bit of consideration and etiquette.

1. Don't be demeaning
We all occasionally take each other for granted, but putting down your partner, ignoring them in favor of a smartphone or deliberately belittling their achievements is the kind of thing they'll remember for a long time..

2. Compromise
Rules are meant to be broken, so be willing to take each situation as it comes and adjust appropriately. Successful couples end up resolving this type of thing by deferring to the partner to whom the issue matters more.

3. Don't play the blame game
Accepting your responsibility when things go awry isn't just smart, it's respectful. Don't hold your choices over someone else's head if it doesn't work out.

4. Schedule a date night
Whether it's a movie and popcorn at home or a stroll to your favorite patio for a drink, couples should be creative and be observant enough to know what his or her partner likes.

5. Skip flirty fun with others
Flirting isn't a good idea, while it's mostly harmless, you should stay within acceptable limits and never say anything you'd be embarrassed to have your partner hear.

6. Remember the little things
If your partner makes your tea every morning, make sure you reciprocate with a small unlooked-for-gesture. It's amazing how that will impact your relationship.