THIS WEEK'S FEATURED LOVERS: Austin and Ella

My girl; Ella is like no other. She's been a Blessing since the first day I met her. She's pretty,humble,intelligent,caring,disciplined she's a rare female specie, only very few of her kind still exist. Both of us, we rock 2geda. I take good care of her and she does same to me. We love each other so much, infact Romeo and Juliet's love is just mere child's play compared to ours. We going all the way to the altar and we gonna make pretty babies...we are meant to be 2geda bcos it has already been ordained in spirits and manifested in the physical.We love each other 100%

A Rebound Relationship

A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break-up of a significant love relationship. If you are in a relationship but have distanced yourself emotionally from your relationship partner, you may begin a rebound relationship before you even leave the relationship you are in. If you move quickly from a long lasting relationship into another relationship then you are probably in a “rebound relationship."

Rebound Relationships Serve a Purpose:
A rebound relationship is a distraction. It is a connection to another person that keeps us from having to experience the full extent of the emotional pain of our resent breakup. It is a misguided attempt to move on with our lives. Many people will jump back into the dating scene because they fear being alone. It’s a quick fix, one in which we can drown out our pain by reveling in the emotional intensity and passion of a new found love. It can be a a lot more fun that dealing with the misery of a recently broken heart.

Great Expectations:
Don’t go into a rebound relationship expecting your new partner to make up for the shortcomings and mistakes of the old partner. I like to call this the “knight is shining armor syndrome.” You may have just come out of a relationship that involved infidelity or abuse so, you turn around and expect your new partner to be able to make up for the pain you experienced in the old relationship. More than likely, all you will do is exchange one set of problems for another. You need to figure out what you want in a relationship before jumping into a new relationship.

Too Fast, Too Soon:
If you have spent years in a bad relationship you might be itching to make up for lost time. It’s human nature to want a committed, fulfilling relationship and that desire can cause us to leap into a rebound relationship full speed ahead. We may have a sense of urgency and a desire to make sure we get it right the next time around. Those are great motivators to have but, make sure that sense of urgency is not causing you to rush in the wrong direction.

Masking Your Pain:
This is the biggest problem in a rebound relationship. Usually someone ends up being used and hurt as a result. If you are in a relationship to distract yourself from the pain of a broken heart then you are using another person. More than likely when that person has served their purpose you will move on, leaving them to pick up the pieces. Be honest with your new relationship partner about your intentions.

Being Used by The Rebounder:
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who has recently broken off a long term relationship, be cautious. Don’t allow your new relationship partner to set the pace. If you do, you will find yourself in the middle of a whirlwind. You don’t want to be left in the dust once he/she decides to move on.

If you are single, out there looking for love and longing for a committed relationship you probably won’t find what you desire from someone on the rebound. If you do become involved with such a person be sure to let the relationship develop slowly and to take care of yourself emotionally.

Emotional Pain Doesn't Kill:
Experiencing and healing the pain of a broken relationship helps us become people who are more compassionate to other people’s pain. Emotional pain won’t kill you; it’s what you will do to avoid that pain that might kill you. Or, at least make you wish you had not moved so swiftly into a new relationship. So, do yourself and any potential new relationship partners a favor and deal with the pain of your old relationship before moving onto another one.

Help! I Caught My Girlfriend Cheating

A guy came to me saying he caught his girlfriend in bed with some other guy, Now he's confused about what to do,  he needs my counsel and  your opinion. So dear readers "What would you do if you caught your girlfriend cheating?"

A Supportive Relationship

One of the hallmarks of a great relationship is being involved with a person who values the other person’s feelings in a respectful and caring way. Validation in a relationship is kind of like a relationship health check. It is the ability to communicate thoughts and feelings that are accepted by the other person. Healthy relationships do not criticize or belittle the other person for expressing their feelings. 

Whether intentional or not, being critical or belittling the other person can send signals that what is being expressed implies the other is wrong, or somehow it makes them a bad person. Invalidation is negative behavior that can and often turns the overall mood of the relationship sour. The initial gut response to the negativity is often anger and resentment. The anger and resentment are the result of feeling the pain of the invalidating comment.

Emotional support is very important as it validates each others feelings by communicating the importance of how valuable the other person is. There are certain characteristics or “checkpoints” that a person can look for in a relationship. Like anything else in life, once in a while it is good to have a check up. While this is not an exhaustive list, here are some points to ask for a quick self check. In parenthesis are examples of invalidation.

Are you open to each others ideas, thoughts and feelings and implement active listening? (looking or walking away when they talk). 

When discussing feelings and emotions is the other person non-critical of you for having them? (stop crying, or, don't be such a baby).

Do you both accept the fact that your feelings and thoughts are your own without being judgmental toward each other? (oh, just get over it, get to the bottom line and stop digressing).

Are you both able to ask for help and support from each other without worrying about how the other person will respond? (not my problem, you're on your own).

Are you both able to talk trusting that the other will empathize with you and have an understanding ear to your concerns? (you are too sensitive, why are you so sensitive about everything?).

Do you both feel accepting of each other with positive regard and have a general sense of mutual support for each others endeavors?

If you answered yes to all of these questions, you are on the right track because these are some of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship. For the ones answered no might be worth taking a look at to see if there is something that can be done. 

By Godwin (Guest Blogger).